New Attitude, Sort of.

So, to recap the past week:
I celebrated with my friends our time at the U of A at a block party on one of my favorite blocks. It was fantastic- great weather, delicious food, the most incredible friends, and the best way to end the semester.




I babysat my favorite little Fayetteville toddler for the last time. Love little girl "N" that I'll miss so much!

I was pinned as an graduate of a Bachelor of Science in Nursing program at The University of Arkansas' Eleanor Mann School of Nursing. It was kind of a big deal. I addressed my class as Class Representative in a speech that forced me to fight back tears, a little anger, and a lot of happiness.


I had "brunch" (long story, for another post) at Pi Phi for the last time next to sweet friends, & I walked the stage alongside peers that have drug me thru the fire as my sweet, supportive family watched from the bleachers.



Then I packed up my entire life, drove it home in a UHaul going 55 miles per hour, and put it all in storage.

This week has been spent meeting with our wedding planner, caterer, DJ, stationary designer & printer... I have spent hours on TheKnot.com, flipping thru magazines, thinking about measurements, talking about hair & makeup... my life has made a complete turn around from 100% school to 100% wedding. Today marks 100 days until the wedding- can't wait to shift my focus to things beyond August 21st.

The Good 'Ol Days

My Genius 'mate thought to record the Oprah episode totally devoted to interviewing Laura Bush and her precious twin daughters. This morning I thought, eh, I have nothing else to watch, might as well. Best decision I have ever made. I can't help but review a few highs from the past hour, one of the best hours I've spent this past week...

-I have teared up multiple times, not really 100% why
- Round of applause to Oprah for leaving her extremely left-winged opinion out. Thanks for the pleasant surprise. Not shockingly, she obviously didn't stop herself from cutting off even Laura Bush mid-sentence. Sorry, Laura. I'll apologize for her.
- The Bush's rent puzzles to enjoy because they are expensive to buy, that's nice.
- Very interesting to hear how 9/11 was for The Bush Family- must have been terrifying to be in a bunker- literally- in the bowels of The White House
- George (first name basis) calls the swimming pool at their ranch, "The whining pool," because the twins whined for it so much he finally gave in and had one installed... sounds like my dad
- Makes me love and appreciate The Bush Dynasty so much more now that I've experienced, ahem, otherwise...
- Their love and devotion to The Lonestar State & mention of our state flower (Bluebonnets, duh) makes my heart swell with pride & joy

I cannot wait to read her book. The sweetest, classiest, most delightful woman.

153.

UPDATE: Sidenote- this is more for my own memory than reader entertainment... So, just got back from the aforementioned test. I passed. It took me 3 hours and 180 questions but I passed. I left the room (almost last) and immediately emailed Karl. Walked the sidewalk down Maple, checked my voicemail, and listened to "Beth" tell me that Karl and I got the house we have been pining for. I passed and we have a home. I passed, I am done with college, and we are adults. I passed, I am done with college, we are adults, and I am getting married. I am about 5,000 steps closer to being married to Karl. Literally walked to my car in tears. Audible, big, warm, tears. This nightmare of education, the wonderful phenomenon of collegiate life, the tests, papers, horrible & wonderful teachers, checklists, syllabi... it's over. I finally got to talk to Karl on the phone via Skype. I think I said "it's over" about 100 times. I am in awe, but not really, because I believe in The Lord, in His faithfulness and goodness. As Karl said to me this morning, "remember God is graceful & loving & He will help you." I hung to that all day, as I feel I have for nursing school, and will continue to do the rest of my life. Praise God for His fun blessings. Praise. God. It's. Over. Praise God it's just beginning (Karl- can't wait to move into OUR HOUSE and LIVE WITH YOU!!)

After I passed the last test I will ever take in college (in case anyone forgot), I went and picked up my complimentary one year free membership to the U of A Alumni Association because lets face it, I'M AN ALUMNI!! Secondly, I went and ordered my final transcripts to be sent to the Texas State Board of Nursing because I'M TAKING THE NCLEX THIS SUMMER! Lastly, I went and picked up my BSN pin for the pinning ceremony on Friday because...I'M DONE WITH COLLEGE AND BEING PINNED AS A NURSE ON FRIDAY!! L.I.G. baby.

153. Why is that number significant? Because it's the number of tests I will have taken in college at the University of Arkansas as an undergraduate student as of 3 hours from now... which also happens to be the time I will be done with my undergrad career, NBD (no big deal). Should I knock on wood, though? If you read my previous post, you read that I have to pass this test in order to pull away from this city on Sunday, bags packed, never looking back. OK, so I'll look back, and come back, and walk back on memory lane. I know you're all thinking, "Zuh, she'll pass. Stop being dramatic." But let me tell you, out of the 40-something people in my class, I can almost promise at least 10 of us won't pass. Just saying. Not to jinx myself or make what I'm about to do any less special, BUT, I'm nervous. I want to go out with a bang... not a "WOO HOO, last test!... I mean, whoops... guess I'll have to re-do in two weeks..." Anyways, wish me (and Allie, and the other 40-something of our closest peers) luck as we slap good 'ol Nursing School a swift one on our way in to knock this last one out to the ballpark. Sayonara Eleanor Mann School of Nursing. Have fun wherever soul-less academic programs go to rot.

Bedrest, Qualms, & ATI

I stalk peoples blogs that I don't know and will never meet. Suit me. I came across a blog this morning written by a woman that recently had twins and was on "strict bedrest with bathroom privileges" for about 3 weeks before she had her babies. She described her bedrest daily schedule as follows: wake up, move from the bed to the couch, stay on the couch all day, get up to pee, get up to eat lunch, go back to the couch, pee, back to the couch, and then eventually back to bed at night... now I'm not pregnant but this sounds VERY familiar...

For the past 7 days I have been studying for this standardized test called ATI. Now, I'll spare you the gory details but basically it's a practice NCLEX (the RN license exam I will take this summer) that the U of A nursing school requires us to take. Basically here are my thoughts on ATI, my apologies if you've heard this rant before: the administration up here makes us take these ATI's as a means of seeing whether or not we are capable of passing the NCLEX upon graduation, statistically speaking. Why is this important to them, you ask? Oh, because we as students who work our butts off have grown near and dear to their hearts and they want to ensure that they have done their job in adequately educating us and equipping us to pass the test that determines if we are minimally capable of providing patient care. EHHHHH WRONG ANSWER! They put us through these tests (which, I may add are in no way, shape, or form required by ANY state board of nursing for sitting to take the NCLEX) to cover their butts and as a way to hope and pray that we pass the NCLEX so that they can continue to get funding for their less than renown nursing school. Here's the ugly... normally, when we don't pass these standardized bad-boys each semester, we have to take weekly remediation each semester and retake the specific ATI that we failed at the end of the following semester. So, you would think that since this is my last semester as a student, if I don't pass this last, big, and final ATI I would just go on my merry little way and pray a nice big prayer before I take the real NCLEX... no, not according to EMSON administration... get this, THEY ARE TELLING US THAT WE WILL STAY UP HERE FOR 2 WEEKS OF REMEDIATION AND THEN RETAKE THE (insert expletive) ATI! OK? no.

This brings me back to my initial thought... you can find me, on my couch, simply breaking to pee or eat, studying literally EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER LEARNED IN NURSING SCHOOL. No, not for the NCLEX but for the ATI. You are not welcome nursing school. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I am parting with such vices.

NOT HAPPY TO BE ON STUDY BEDREST! You can also feel free to bring me TCBY like the pregnant girl had brought to her.

I can almost taste it

One week from today I will be sitting in a packed up home, probably tearfully waiting on the arrival of my family from Texas to see me receive my Nursing School pin, address my class of forty-something peers as "class representative" at the pinning ceremony, have my last brunch amongst sixty-something of my closest sorority sisters at the most beloved address in Fayetteville (502 W. Maple, duh), and then walk across the stage as one of thousands in Barnhill arena. I'll go out to eat somewhere delightful, sleep one last time a few blocks distance from Old Main, and then pull away from Fayetteville for an undetermined length of time. OK, really? Could I have made that sound any more horrific? Probably not.

Here's the thing: Per usual, I'm feeling nostalgic. Sans normal, I'm a little emotional. The last 4 years have been... such a mixture of the normal college experience and the most atypical collegiate daily life liven that I can possibly dream up. I am a member of probably the most incredible sorority, chapter, and pledge class to ever live. Not biased either. We regularly win everything ever given to anyone. I never go a day without feeling super loved, supported, and encouraged by both these women, my family, my peers, and my super hot fiance.

About those peers... I am in nursing school. Soon I will say "I was in nursing school." This is the part of the past 4 years that I have been dying to escape. I try not to complain about my curriculum path, I chose it, I could've chose differently. Here's my opportunity to let it all out... Remember when you were partying on Dickson multiple times a week for the past 2 years? I wasn't, I was completing reading assignments in medical terminology that I still cannot understand at increments by the thousand pages. Remember when you stayed up watching every episode from every season of Friends, Sex & the City, & One Tree Hill? Well when you were going to bed, I was waking up at 5 AM multiple times a week, every week, to go be an indentured slave at a crappy area hospital or nursing homes or some other horrible place. Remember when you were crying because you couldn't stop laughing? I was crying because I was horrified at the bodily fluids I was cleaning up at age 19, regretting every career decision I had ever made, hating my life as a permanent resident of Mullins Library, and a servant of the Eleanor Mann School of Nursing. Remember when you were picking out cute outfits to wear to school or getting to roll out of bed and wear whatever your little college heart desired? Must be nice, I wore a starched, white potato sack of a button down that I have plans to incinerate this week in my driveway. Remember when your advisors gently steered you in the right direction, gave you advice and choices? No. I don't. I remember being sassed, bossed, and pushed around; made to come to classes that would never appear on my transcript, kicked out of clinical for not completing a TB test I was never told about... yep. WELCOME TO NURSING SCHOOL, LADIEZZZZZ. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE GOOOOOOOD RIDDANCEEEEEE SEE YOU NEVERRRRRRRRR

About that fiance: the most hunkiest thing I have ever laid eyes on that I cannot wait to marry in approximately 114 days, greet home from Iraq in about a month, walk into our 1st home with soon after that, and thank for the rest of my life for just being the greatest thing as we jointly suffered through long distance, ever pressing toward the goal we are now staring in the face. Encouraging in studies, always incessantly complimenting, God-fearing and serving, I am so excited that the end of school means beginning something so new and great with him.

Those women- those Pi Phi women that I will miss more than I have yet to realize, those blonde bombshell of roommates that I laugh and live with, those nursing school comrades that I have been through the fire with.

Can't wait to post pictures, stories, and fun times from the week to come. Tonight is Pi Phi Senior Farewell, next Monday is my last test, Friday pinning, and Saturday graduation. I promise, ok maybe not promise, to have a minimal number of nostalgic-centered posts for the next month.

Praising the Lord for packing the next week full of shenanigans to go out with laughter, a summer full of reunions with weddings of friends & trips to Arkansas!

gone

I've lost the will to be educated.

Eat Less Chikn

Move over Chick-Fil-A cows... I'm here to spread a different message! I am officially in the middle of my rotation at Tyson Chicken plant in Springdale, AR and let me tell you, it is the most interesting clinical experience I have ever had. My day consists of the following:

- Sitting around, a lot. A whole lot.
- Reading for Critical Care, which is actually a very good use of my time, totally unrelated to the clinical but time management nonetheless
- First Aid. I do quite a bit of first aid, but these are not your average injuries. Allow me to paint you a picture... stab wounds in the chin of a grown and bearded man. Why? Because when his beard hair net fell instead of pulling it back into place with his FINGERS, he POKES it back into place with his KNIFE. As in the knife that he has been dismembering raw chicken with... Stab wound on the arm of a woman because the person she was working next to pointed at something WITH HER KNIFE and accidentally cut her. This is not a joke. The MOST ridiculous wounds! I spent about 10 minutes one day cleaning CHICKEN BILE out of a woman's eye, yes, chicken bile.
- Gagging at the smell. This is a live kill plant, as in kill, defeather, debone, package... the whole shebang. It stinks BIG TIME. The parking lot is teeming with feathers, not kidding.
- I took a tour yesterday. I was having a dilemma, should I keep my eyes faced ahead so that I don't run into anything? Or maybe cast them downward in order to dodge the chicken fat strewn all over the ground? Should I breathe through my nose in order to avoid getting chicken blood or unidentified liquid from dripping in my mouth? Or should I breathe through my mouth to hopefully not vomit from the smell? I sort of had a little panic attack with my hair net and Tyson embroidered smock on, ear plugs in.

So people, relish in the light and beauty of your normal jobs as I trudge through feathers and chicken parts while caring for the non-english speaking population of Springdale, Arkansas. In the wise words of my Gammy today on the phone, "Have fun and don't kill any Mexicans!" Sure thing, Gam, sure thing.

overwhelmed

I'm about to go take my 5th of 7 finals but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I googled that word, overwhelmed, and this is the picture that came up. It perfectly describes what I'm feeling. A little stressed, also bowing at the feet of The Lord.
For the millionth time in this week of finals I feel overwhelmed, for the first time this week it's the joyful kind. I mentioned Karl's deployment in my last post. I've kind of been slowly thinking about this, trying to comprehend what it will be like to not text him throughout the day, to go more than 6 weeks at a time without seeing him, to not talk to him right before I go to bed, or Skype him while I eat dinner and study. With the date getting closer, I've been forced to think more and more about him being gone all next semester and about the logistics of him actually leaving. Turns out he will leave right after I go back to school. Convenient, huh? Not. So, I began the hunt to find out who my clinical instructor will be next semester so I could talk to her about the need to miss clinical one week, which, if you go to my nursing school you know is a task next to impossible. I went straight to the source, Dr. Smith-Blair gave it to me straight and gave me some great news...

a) I don't have clinicals on Fridays next semester!! This has NEVER happened to me and is SO great!!! WOO HOO!!
b) I got the Community Health clinical site that I wanted- Tyson!! Yes people, that's THE Tyson, as in Tyson chicken! FUN!
c) My clinical instructor for Community is Mrs. KVJ. At the time, this meant nothing. I only needed her name so that I could do some uark.edu research and find her email address. I was about to make a huge request. I would venture to say this request is virtually unheard of in my line of education...I'm going to ask to miss a week of clinical in order to see Karl off on his deployment.

So, yesterday I emailed KVJ my requests, being sure to include how responsible I am, how I will make up the days in the most convenient way for her, and how sorry I was for starting out the semester with these requests! I fell asleep praying last night, I'm sure each of you can imagine what my cry to The Lord was. It would absolutely crush me to not be able to see Karl off, for the last time we see each other to be when he leaves DFW after his Christmas break...

I woke up this morning to an email from KVJ. I called my mom and immediately started crying, which is kind of a big deal for me, but kind of not when it comes to stuff with Karl (flashback for all my Pi Phi '06 PC readers...picture me in upstairs center hall in my towel while Karl was at basic training...you know where I'm going with this.). Well, her email reads as follows...

"Hannah,

Buy your ticket, we can work with you. I can be available so you can make those two days up on Fridays the two weeks following your absences. I will check with your site but if they are unable to accommodate the Fridays I can find you another clinical site for excellent community experiences on those days if needed. We can deal with the details during clinical orientation or your first week. Happy Holidays and Best Wishes to you and your fiance. KVJ"

I am blown away. She doesn't even know me. She has no idea that I am a good student, that I am responsible, that I turn in all my work on time, that I have made all "A's" in clinical, that I don't like to ask for favors and rarely do. She is my new favorite person. What a huge blessing in my day, my week, my semester. Above all, what a fascinating and fun God I serve. I hate how blown away I am by this. God never fails to hear my hearts desire and go far above my requests, my God shouldn't shock me, He is very clear about who He is and what He desires to do for us and in our lives. I am overwhelmed at the mercy KVJ showed on me today, I feel blessed, happy, joyful, and so so pleased. I am overwhelmed at the God I serve and His ability to hear my heart and soften others. I am overwhelmed.

burned out.

I'll be home in a few short days. Until then, I hang on to thoughts of things to come, which prompts the following list of delights I'm looking forward to enjoying upon my return home and my respite from academia...

5. No School. I wish each of you, my utterly faithful readers, could truly grasp the significance of this for me. For those of you in and around my daily life or somehow associated with nursing school or the medical field in some way, shape, or form, you probably can. For the rest of you, allow me to paint you a picture...by the time I graduate I will have completed a staggering 1005 clinical hours. Come next Tuesday, I will have completed 143 tests thus far in my college career. I would say that I am not being dramatic with the guesstimate that I have completed 3600 hours of studying hours since freshman year. Nursing school is so stinkin' demanding for the outcome, in my humble opinion.

4. R&R...I'm slowly becoming a little bit more seasoned and picking up on more and more military lingo. R&R is affectionately known as "rest & relaxation" by our servant-hearted military personnel. R&R for me over the next month will lend to much needed sleep, TV watching, PLAYING WITH BILLI (one of the things I look forward to most about going home, even though she sends my allergies off the deep end), blog catch-ups, and eating my mother and father's home cooked food. Speaking of R&R, Karl's going to be getting some of that too! See #1 below...


3. WORK! I know. Call me crazy. Most people would groan and moan over the thought of working over their Christmas break, BUT, I have been graciously accepted back by Covenant Kids, a non-profit foster care and adoption agency that I work for over Summer and Christmas break. It is just the nicest place to spend a few weeks over Christmas, seriously. Great work, great people, great boost to my savings account.

2. I have my first dress fitting the first Saturday that I'm back. I am thrilled. Let me repeat myself, THRILLED, about this. I know we are a little premature for fittings because lets be real here, I'm hoping (like every other glass-half-full bride) to have hit the gym a few more times come August BUT, I'm having my bridal portraits done up here (by, ahem, my obsession) this Spring. So, better hop to with the alterations.


1. KARLLLLLLLLLL!!!! This requires a sublist...


A) I haven't seen this boy since the beginning of October. That is far too long, if you were wondering. Karl is being deployed to Iraq in January and I just am so desiring time with this boy before he goes. I feel blessed we get to spend Christmas with each other.

B) We will do wonderful things including but not limited to: REGISTER (which I clearly have been excited about for a while now), finalize wedding details with the venue, pick a wedding invitation, finalize our guest list, see a movie (because according to my calculations, we haven't seen one together in almost 18 months), celebrate the birth of our savior, relax.

C) Can't wait to relax with him. In reference to R&R, he needs some of that too. He's a hard worker, he actually ties for first place in the "hardest worker I have ever met" contest. My dad would be the other 1st place winner. I can't wait to serve Karl while he's home...sorry all you feminazi's who read my blog, but if your fiance's hands looked like this after work, you would want to serve him too.


D) Celebrate the start of 2010, which, if you were curious, is the year we are getting married, to each other.

So, may the ghost of finals passed (pun intended) be with you all as you embark upon this finals week and weekend (which, in my humble opinion is just downright sinful. That's right Gammy, we have finals on a Saturday! Throw be a bone Chancellor Gearhart!).

hannah

Noteworthy

Noteworthy things about my day...

-I chugged my Route 44 Diet Cherry Vanilla Coke because I was craving a maraschino cherry. There wasn't a cherry to be had. I specifically asked that Sonic ensure one was lovingly put into my cup. Awesome

-I'm missing my last home football game as a college student to study incontinence in the older adult. Also, awesome.

-Currently listening to the rereleased "Fearless" album by Taylor Swift. Goosebumps. Actual and literal goosebumps. Praise God for this delightful little thing. I want to pocket size her. Also want to high five Joe Jonas for being such a tool bag. Call me heartless but I just can't live without the new piano version of "Forever & Always."


-Last time I went grocery shopping I bought a frozen Chicken Cordon Bleu Pasta Casserole for $6.00. I finished it off today as I ate on it for the third time. Shout out to my dad for teaching me how to eat cheap!!

-Spent a lot of time looking at pictures, wishing I were anywhere but in the middle of academia. Along the same lines, I think it's OK for me to wish this, I mean, doesn't everyone while they are in school? If one more person tells me to "enjoy it while I can," I will explode. Better yet, I'll open up my peanut butter & jelly sandwich and smash it around in their hair like K.M. (identity protection) did when I was in fifth grade because I said "Furby" when he told me not to. So, take that all you working, non-collegiate, business professionals who wish you were in school! In reference to the above mentioned pictures I enjoyed browsing through today, allow me to include my most current favorite of the hunkiest guy I know...


-Along the lines of both Taylor Swift and pictures, I recently made a comment to my roommates and Keith about Taylor looking like the hottest little deer. OK, poor wording, impala would be a more appropriate animal comparison. Someone please agree with me. I'm so right. See proof below taken on my most recent excursion to Africa...


-Remember the construction incessantly going on outside my house? My roommates and I socked it to the big man when we carved our initials in the freshly laid concrete. Someone call the cops, I'm a felon.

-I stayed in my pajamas all day today, for the fourth day in a row.

So, go buy the Taylor Swift CD, and enjoy but don't dance dirty.

Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far- far, far away

UPDATE: the concrete busting just set off a car alarm, I kid not.

I am trying really hard to focus and study right now. I have a huge test in less than 24 hours. My grade is absolutely dependent on my performance. Here are my exact thought processes, verbatim, right at this very moment. Somebody bring me some Adderall.

Really, how many extra points on the test will I really get by studying for the next 8 hours or so? Not that many I'm sure. It's totally not even worth it. Also not worth it, the wedding day countdown off of my Facebook profile, which I am deleting, stat. Time has never moved so slowly, this is getting ridiculous. Speaking of dignity, how much of that stuff would I lose by going ahead and changing my last name on Facebook to "Burton?" Too soon? Ok. Shame.ful. At least wait till its legally your name. Dignity, remember? Don't be "that girl." Also shameful, the noise going on outside right now. Do I still know enough spanish from high school to go outside and ask the workers to stop busting up concrete? I mean, I'm trying to study here, have some decency. I should google 'shades of yellow & grey.' Maybe then people won't question my wedding colors because I can be so stinking specific with them it will blow their minds." Done. Taupe Grey and Golden. Don't ask again. I also really like Ecru...I wonder how much my mom will hate me if I change my mind to this Ecru biznasty?

Dear Lord, please make me a sponge so I absorb all the Maternal/Child information I possible can here in the next 8 hours. Give. me. focus.
Amen.

This is not my first rodeo.

The craziest weekend, 2 weeks ago, that is. Let me just say that my weekend was kicked off by one the best nights of my college career. Yes, thats right. I spent 3 hours at 21st amendment on Dickson enjoying my first "night out" in Fayetteville. Maybe I'm just fresh and naiive on the Dickson scene, or maybe, the 50+ year old man that enjoyed a spin around the dance floor with me and 6 of my friends made my night worth living for? They are probably both relatively accurate, although I'd like to think that the latter is a better description of where my Thursday night joy stemmed from. To say it was a great night is an understatement. I felt like Sandy from Grease in my oversized black cardigan and boots, coming out of my shell and dancing with a 50 year old potential swinger after turning down an oversized foreign man down after his proposal to dance with me. Call me Sasha Fierce. I'm a Dickson Street regular, I have signature dance moves that would make you blush and a closet full of going out clothes. Dangerous. Thats what they call me.

This Saturday kicked off Pi Phi's Centennial & Balfour Celebration. AND, obviously, it wouldn't be a Pi Phi weekend without one additional humongous event stuck on our list of obligations. So, naturally it was also initiation! The weekend was full of wise and eternally devoted Pi Phis of pledge classes from many decades ago. All I know is that Pi Phi used to serve cigarettes to the rushees during rush! The Surgeon General would die. Saturday night Senior Pizza party was bomb. Please refer to our "rainbow pictures." Emmy's shirt said it best, Dia Del Pi Phi.



On Sunday, a star was born. Thats me. My alter ego, Madame Nikon, came into the world. I spent a couple of hours shooting Mark and Taylor's save the date pictures. Basically, I should've been wearing a baret, talking about coffee, and scheming to turn my bathroom into a dark room the whole time. I'm pretty much an artist now, thanks to my muses the future Kellas. Go ahead and commission me.





Monday=the day my leg hair grew at lightning speed. Why? Step show. Goosebumps. Pi Beta Phi is the holy grail of all things step. I was inspired, in awe, dying in my seat. Needless to say, our theme was "Diva," each girl channeled Beyonce/Sasha Fierce and stepped their high/poofed ponytails nearly off their heads. The nail polish was glitter, the eyeshadow charcoal, and the outfit a leotard. I nearly passed out. Nix that, I passed out in my head. I absolutely love step show. *BOAST ALERT*...I think that Pi Phi is the classiest, most wonderful sorority.