Burton, party of 1

Entering "1" on my sister Madeline's wedding RSVP spreadsheet today under, "Mr. & Mrs. Karl Burton," just really blew.  It was one of those moments where it just really hit me that not only is Karl not here right this very minute, but he won't be here two weeks from now at my little sister's wedding- the only wedding she will ever have- a memory that will always be etched in my mind.  That is a memory he won't have and I will.  Pictures he won't be in and I will.  Fun my whole entire family will have and he won't.  In fact, he will be working in the freezing bitter cold, fixing fighter jets, a few hundred miles from communist territory, while I dance the night away drinking gourmet hot cocoa and eating passed hors d'oeuvres in a pretty dress made just for my body.  How wrong is that?  I love my sister more than words can express, however, today at that moment I wanted to crawl in a hole and swear not to make those memories or be in those pictures.  Only a few hours later I'm talking with my cousin and then one of my best friends and I realize both my bestie, Charis, and newly engaged cousin will likely get married next summer and fall, all before Karl gets back.  Get this, Karl is gone for so long that there is time for someone to get engaged, plan a wedding, and marry all before he gets back.  That is CRAZY andsomindblowing andwrong.  When Karl got his orders my first thought was of him not being at Maddie's wedding... so I've kind of coped with that.  But what on earth are all these other things that are happening that I didn't even think about?  Like my sweet London and Charis getting married and Karl not being there to see it?!  And Karl becoming an uncle for the first time and not getting to meet his little one until he is 4 months old.  And the anniversary of Pa's death being upon us and karl.isn't.here.  My little sister, Emma, will go off to my alma mater, Karl's favorite school in the whole world, next fall and he won't be here to move her in to her dorm.  In fact, she will have enjoyed her first "Family Weekend," and almost completed her whole first semester by the time he returns.  mindblowing.  I suppose I'm wrapping my head around this idea of him being gone long-term.  It makes me mad.  And, as my family can attest to after my mid-evening meltdown, I'm very sad.  I miss him.  All the while I'm finding myself feeling inappropriately discontent.  So I'm working on that.  Because God willing, Karl will come home next November, and I will get to continue to enjoy him for weddings, nieces & nephews, and years to come.  And for that I am thankful.  On the eve of the anniversary of the loss of my sweet Maggie's brother, Anthony, I am finding myself exceedingly grateful for Karl's heart and calling.  He willingly has answered the call to service, as did Anthony- so faithfully, joyfully, and obediently.  So I continue to grieve alongside The Riggan Family as they walk through the fire, miss & love Karl like crazy, and praise Him for His love- the only unfailing thing in the whole wide world!

....annnnd on that note, merrrry christmas
Hannah K.C. Burton

M.I.A.

I know my posts have been few and far between...  my apologies to you and my future self for not properly documenting this season of life.  I'm caught between wanting to post about life-happenings and not wanting to just login to complain... which has led to my cyberspace silence.  Karl has been gone for 4 weeks today.  And it feels like he has been gone for 4 years.  So basically I'm not feeling too optimistic about the speed at which this year will go by, time is certainly not on my side at this point.  Friday nights are my loneliest time as my sisters and parents usually go on dates with their spouses... for which I am thankful- I am very aware of people feeling sorry for me, changing plans because of my solo-status, and even more acutely aware of my own pity parties so I'm not particularly interested in playing third-wheel on date night each week- praying my pity parties away because I know that is certainly Satan trying to break my spirit.  So, how about a little written gratitude now that I've given my honest take on the past month?  I am thankful for my job.  I haven't written about it yet but I am really SO excited about it!!  I have been hired on for a part-time nursing position at the @rlington pregnancy center!  This is my dream first nursing job that I have been praying about for months, literally.  Long story short, this job just fell into place perfectly, in God's perfect timing.  I really look forward to going in, so enjoy what I will be doing, and couldn't ask for better coworkers- really all the women there are such servants.  I never imagined that I would have the privilege of working with such supportive, encouraging, and Godly women.  Not sure how much blog-time this position will get from me as confidentiality plays into basically everything that happens there, but I'm excited to share my job news with you today!  I've had this position for maybe 5 weeks now;  right now I am just going in once a week for training, however starting in January I'll be working about 20+ hours a week.  I'm thankful for busyness- planning Maddie's wedding is basically a full-time job, helping my parent's with decisions about the renovation of their new home is really fun for me, and shopping for/talking about/obsessing over Callie & Jeremy's baby boy, Oliver Ryan, is plenty of fun as well!  I am thankful for friends and their outreach to me and I am especially looking forward to a trip to Little Rock next week!!!  Thankful for health and wellness for Karl and my family- especially my sweet newborn cousin that came home from the NICU after a 3-week stay this past week!!!!  Thankful for great TV shows, a supportive family, and mostly for how God has protected my heart during this time.  I have been praying that Karl & I wouldn't feel lonely, empty, or sad and He has certainly provided.  I kind of just feel numb- like, don't think about what is actually going on in my life, Korea-wise, in fact, it still doesn't even feel real to me that this thing is 12 months long.... maybe that will catch up with me in a bad way but for now, it's working.  So, now are you glad I've been quiet?  Because most of my posts would read similarly to this... kindofdepressing, but I'm working on it.   How's that for honesty?  And speaking of honesty- go ahead and lower your expectations of me in that department- when I'm asked about how this is all going face-to-face with someone, I'll tell you it's fine... I mean, what am I supposed to say?  "This really blows, I'm pretty lonely, and time is going by at snails pace."  So I just lie instead.  God is working on me.  Maybe another month and I'll be totally over it all.  Maybe.  Annnnnnd now some cheery pictures to send you on your way:

Maddie & I at her most recent shower- SO FUN!

Sending Karl lots of Christmas packages- LOVE doing this!

Billi, loving the house plans too.

And last, but OBVIOUSLY not least- a picture I recently sent Karl to brighten his day.  Never looked better, I tell ya.

Happy week to you,

Hannah K.C. Burton

Hey Karl- how about another guest post from Korea?!?  Your fans are demanding more from you!  You're so popular!!