Burton, party of 1

Entering "1" on my sister Madeline's wedding RSVP spreadsheet today under, "Mr. & Mrs. Karl Burton," just really blew.  It was one of those moments where it just really hit me that not only is Karl not here right this very minute, but he won't be here two weeks from now at my little sister's wedding- the only wedding she will ever have- a memory that will always be etched in my mind.  That is a memory he won't have and I will.  Pictures he won't be in and I will.  Fun my whole entire family will have and he won't.  In fact, he will be working in the freezing bitter cold, fixing fighter jets, a few hundred miles from communist territory, while I dance the night away drinking gourmet hot cocoa and eating passed hors d'oeuvres in a pretty dress made just for my body.  How wrong is that?  I love my sister more than words can express, however, today at that moment I wanted to crawl in a hole and swear not to make those memories or be in those pictures.  Only a few hours later I'm talking with my cousin and then one of my best friends and I realize both my bestie, Charis, and newly engaged cousin will likely get married next summer and fall, all before Karl gets back.  Get this, Karl is gone for so long that there is time for someone to get engaged, plan a wedding, and marry all before he gets back.  That is CRAZY andsomindblowing andwrong.  When Karl got his orders my first thought was of him not being at Maddie's wedding... so I've kind of coped with that.  But what on earth are all these other things that are happening that I didn't even think about?  Like my sweet London and Charis getting married and Karl not being there to see it?!  And Karl becoming an uncle for the first time and not getting to meet his little one until he is 4 months old.  And the anniversary of Pa's death being upon us and karl.isn't.here.  My little sister, Emma, will go off to my alma mater, Karl's favorite school in the whole world, next fall and he won't be here to move her in to her dorm.  In fact, she will have enjoyed her first "Family Weekend," and almost completed her whole first semester by the time he returns.  mindblowing.  I suppose I'm wrapping my head around this idea of him being gone long-term.  It makes me mad.  And, as my family can attest to after my mid-evening meltdown, I'm very sad.  I miss him.  All the while I'm finding myself feeling inappropriately discontent.  So I'm working on that.  Because God willing, Karl will come home next November, and I will get to continue to enjoy him for weddings, nieces & nephews, and years to come.  And for that I am thankful.  On the eve of the anniversary of the loss of my sweet Maggie's brother, Anthony, I am finding myself exceedingly grateful for Karl's heart and calling.  He willingly has answered the call to service, as did Anthony- so faithfully, joyfully, and obediently.  So I continue to grieve alongside The Riggan Family as they walk through the fire, miss & love Karl like crazy, and praise Him for His love- the only unfailing thing in the whole wide world!

....annnnd on that note, merrrry christmas
Hannah K.C. Burton