single lady.

Well, we're going on week 5 of Karl working at night.  That equals 5 weeks of falling asleep by myself aka LIVING IN TERROR.  I HATE Karl being on nights... I feel single!  My former roommates and my family are all VERY familiar with my fear of, well, nighttime, I guess.  I don't know what it is about the sun going down but it produces extremely irrational fears for me.  Nightly, I lie in bed 100% certain that Karl will come home in the wee morning hours to a murdered wife.  Isn't that horrible?  AND ridiculous?  Yes.  It is.
Walk down memory lane:
-never had a reason to sleep home alone during college BUT even before that, I've always just a paranoid person (thanks, Mom.).  Throughout junior high & high school I would check behind the shower curtain before I brushed my teeth and washed my face.  As if someone were in there.  Sometimes, I would even sacrifice and wash my face with my eyes wide open in fear, read: soap in the eyes.

-freshman year: I didn't have a roommate my freshman year (she stayed at her boyfriends every night except for two) and my dorm friends LOVED to scare me... like hide under my bed and jump out at me. Thanks, Patrick, Jill, & Gandy.
-sophomore year: I lived in the Pi Phi house with DOZENS of people and somehow still managed to live in fear.  I blame the older girls for passing on the ghost stories of a haunted house.  Read: now I'm scared of paranormal activity... SO SO SO RIDICULOUS
-junior year: Jill & I lived in a two bedroom apartment.  Terrifying.  Walking in a night, being home alone when Jill went home for the weekend.. I had like an industrial doorstop that I was hell bent on using 24/7.  Oh, and I had locks on ALL the windows.  Jill & I experienced our fair share of terror in there... like scary neighbors and unannounced late night visitors.
-senior year: I lived with Charis & Noel, both of which were well- aware of my fears... mostly because of my weekly text while they were both at Cru to, "Come home quick. I heard something."

Marriage was my big recipe for not having to be alone at night, scared.  Well, here I am, planning on falling asleep on the living room chaise because it's the only room where I feel aware of the whole house and what's going on.  Am I single again?  I have adrenaline rushes & hot flashes on a regular basis.  I feel like a crazy person.  Like, I'm a totally different person at night.  We live in a great neighborhood and I'm pretty sure crime doesn't exist in this tiny military town.  I'm slightly resentful of Karl's refusal to let us live on base... I know I wouldn't be scared then!  Well, I thought it was only appropriate to share "nighttime Hannah," with the blog world.  There you have it.

I know how to use Karl's handgun... and it's loaded... next to my bed.
Consider yourself warned,
Hannah K.C. Burton